[Natalie]

I'm yelling HELP and then I notice that everyone is wearing earplugs. When there's a death in the family, friends and family are there for you. The following day their lives return to normal. Then it's time to clean out the house etc. but NO ONE wants to help get rid of the 'stuff' that was left behind from that life. Lots of excuses surface. They'll all gladly receive the money bequeathed to them though. I've decided to do no more asking. I'll do the work myself but it will take longer and probably some stuff of value will get pitched. Meanwhile I'll still be paying all the bills . . . out of 'their' inheritance not mine. Being dumped on doesn't feel good. I'm angry.

 

[Bountyhunter]

Give 'em hell, Natalie! I would. :evil:

 

[Terry_P]

I think I'm following your drift. Family is great at times and at other times it's great to have the distance. It's cyclical you get close for a while and then the pendulum swings the other way. Rely on yourself and you won't be disappointed.

 

[Johngoboom]

I learned a good lesson from my wife over the last couple of years. I have always been fairly close with my family, we get to together quite often and we know that if we need help we can call on each other. My wife on the other hand was not blessed with a “good” family. Her dad was a real jerk, and her mom allowed her kids to stay in a bad environment. Now that my wife is older, she doesn’t much want anything to do with her folks, or her siblings. Her parents remain distant, and we see them maybe every three or four years.

The whole point to this was that it’s great when family works out like you hope it should, but a lot of times it doesn’t. Families are composed of people same as any other group, and if you feel like some of your family is “pooping” on you, well there is no law that says you have to stay close with them. Just because someone is a relative doesn’t make them a good or bad person; their actions determine that.

 

[deputy125]

i had the opposite experience-------the buzzards decended and started fighten' over everything..................

When my moma passed, both my brother and i were purty tore up. but what happened afterwards still pi**es me off to this day. Had a niece come in and right off the bat it was "granny promised me this" and that and the bit** came in with her husband and a stock trailer and laid claim to the entire house. Both me and my brother were feelin' purty low and did not care to put up any kind of fight or argument over much as no will was left. We just did not want to argue and did not have it in us as it seemed wrong to fight over stuff like a pack of dogs.

Wound up with the old kitchen table and an old chair from the farm days as they weren't good enough for her......to hell with her----- the chair and table are important to me and hold a lot of memories.................over time, i wanted the family photo album and family Bible back as it has all the family tree in it----she won't part with it.
Wife has been given my will and a copy of it is at the bank as well. Instructions given that that paticular person is not to be at my funeral under any circumstances and have a backbone about it-------have a feelin' oldest daughter will see to that............

Sorry for the rant......................

I know this doesn't help, but it could be worse.

 

[Natalie]

No one is arguing and that's great. Just lots to go through and clean out plus all the repairs so that I can sell the house. I'm only one person. The basement floor is loaded with mildew from a time when there was water down there. Meanwhile, there continues to be the expenses of utility bills, taxes and lawn care etc. Until it's sold I also have the yard work for 2 yards full of flowers. I know what my mother wanted and how she wanted it to be. No one is giving me a hard time even though there is no will. I will honor my parents wishes but neither of them would be happy about inheritance money being spent on upkeep. They sacrificed and did without so that we could have and this would frost them both. It is however, the way it is. I do not want to nor do I have the energy to argue or fight with anyone either.

Your niece has BIG BALLS for a girl. Shame on her. Feels good that you understand. Thanks.

 

[Terry_P]

Keep a detailed record of your expenses with receipts and when you do sell then that stuff comes off the top before any monies are divided up. if you can't do all the work yourself (who can) hire someone. Don't kill yourself or get all torn up over it its only money and realize that only of fraction of what you spend is yours. I would let them all know up front what you are doing and if they have a problem with it then it's time they turned talk into action. They actually may be relieved you are carrying the ball.

 

[sheepdog]

Seen this many times....my answer is "Screw the loot"....I want the memories I have of the departed...and, by doing what you're doing, Natalie...you'll run across little secrets and surprises noone else will learn....and you'll be enriched because you've done all you could...for your folks, not the family who wants easy pickins' and gone....and do take all the expenses out of the inheritances of those who won't work...you give time and work...they'll give money...we find out at times like these who really loves and who's suckin' up to see what they can get.....don't throw away a bill or card or any book or magazine without going through it...look inside lamps and any other thing that could be a stash...look behind and under every pull-out drawer...look up inside sink/lavoritory cabinets....look behind every light switch/outlet plate....folks of our parents' age got bit by the banks and often squirrelled away cash to have readily available...or put aside bill money and misplaced it...don't overlook anyplace a check(Which might have to be re-issued) or bills could be......pillows, mattresses, etc....I've helped friends do that job and found more than they'd dream...frugal folks can surprise you with what they put away and forgot....it could become fun.....don't let it make you bitter....you're far richer than the greedy grubbers...you loved your folks for themselves...and reaped a rich blessing!!!

 

[Natalie]

It's really not like that guys. I must have misled you. I was ranting because I need hands to help and it's just not happening. My family are good people and there's only two others besides me involved. Everyone else is out of state. Richard's been working over there and he's done a lot of work considering both my parents were pack rats. Sheepdog, you're right about stashing cash - mom and dad did that well. I wouldn't have thought of looking in some of the places you mentioned though so thanks. You all gave good advise. The money is not worth getting all worried about. I'm still wanting to please my parents and do as they told me but now they are no longer here so it really doesn't matter. As the EMS was going to put my little mom in the ambulance, she told the guys to leave the house - that she wanted to talk to me in private. They went outside. All she wanted to talk to me about was to once again tell me what to do with the money they saved. Who was to get what and to make me PROMISE. She also made me promise that there would be no fighting but I knew that would not be a problem. I've been caretaking for a long time now and I'm just tired. My Richard and I were talking during dinner tonight. He said we'll take one room at a time and for me NOT to think ahead. I lean toward getting all the little blue balls in my brain going at high speed and all at the same time. Not really a good thing. So thanks for listening, thanks for your wisdom - just thanks guys.

 

[sheepdog]

Sounds like your man sees you too tired....rest and don't be in a hurry....if you gotta do it all by yourself....take your time....one more act of love...act of service....we're proud of you.....

 

[jimbo1096]

Natalie, my sympathies to you, both for your loss and for the task ahead. I have lost my parents years ago and had to do some of what you are experiencing. You just have to take it a little at a time and not overload yourself. If necessary voice your need to the other family members. They may not realize what you are having to do. My sister lives in the family house since my mom passed in 1991. And she took most of the responsibility for the house contents. She told me yesterday that she went through some more boxes that were in the attic and disposed of those things that were no longer of any value. It takes awhile and a lot of memories will be awakened along the way. Cherish them instead of letting them sadden you. We are here to talk with anytime you need.

 

[Natalie]

one more act of love...act of service
Sheepdog, those are beautiful words and so true. I'm going to remember.


Jimbo, I did voice my need. Everyone is busy now and it's a trip for either one of them because they do not live nearby. I'm going to hire out some things and take my time with the rest. I had an opportunity to rent their home to a woman I know but she would need to be in by June. I can't have it ready by then. When it's ready for selling it could take quite some time since real estate is so depressed in Michigan now.

 

[sheepdog]

Maybe the lady who wants to move in would help in return for a rent concession...watch who you bring in to help.....some buzzards have sticky feet......