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Discussion Starter #1
Life's Rules

1. There are two sides to every divorce: Yours and Shithead's


2. The closest I ever got to a 4.0 in college was my blood alcohol content


3. I live in my own little world but it's OK, everyone knows me here.


4. I saw a rather large woman wearing a sweatshirt with 'Guess' on it. I said, 'Thyroid problem?'


5. I don't do drugs 'cause I find I get the same effect just by standing up really fast.


6. A sign In a Chinese Pet Store: 'Buy one dog, get one flea.'


7. Money can't buy happiness but it sure makes misery easier to live with.


8. I got a sweater for Christmas. I really wanted a screamer or a moaner.


9. If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the 'terminal'?


10. I don't approve of political jokes. I've seen too many of them get elected.


11. The most precious thing we have is life, yet it has absolutely no trade-in value.


12. If life deals you lemons, make lemonade; if it deals you tomatoes, make Bloody Marys.


13. I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.


14. Shopping tip: You can get shoes for a buck at bowling alleys.


15. I am a nobody. Nobody is perfect, therefore I am perfect.


16. Everyday I beat my own previous record for number of consecutive days I've stayed alive.


17. No one ever says 'It's only a game!' when their team is winning.


18. How long a minute is, depends on what side of the bathroom door you're on.


19. Marriage changes passion...suddenly you're in bed with a relative.


20. Why is it that most nudists are people you don't want to see naked?


21. Snowmen fall from Heaven unassembled.


22. Every time I walk into a singles bar I can hear Mom's wise words: Don't pick that up, you don't know where it's been!'
 

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#'s 3, 15, and 21 are mine. Had to go back up to see Wizard's fav.
 

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Discussion Starter #7
I think #2 brings me back to my college days but now at 60+ I understand the meaning of #18.
 
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