I was just thinking that probably what's up with me is more grief related than anything. Parents are two people who generally love you unconditionally. I butted heads with both of my parents at times but never once did I doubt their love for me. They were old and it was their time. I'm just missing them the same as I would if this would have happened when they were much younger. They moved across the street from us 38 years ago so have always been close by. I have to be patient with my emotions and feelings. It will get better and I'm aware of that. This forum is not the place for me to vent these kinds of things. You guys have been great friends and I like it here, obviously. If I were to ever meet any one of you I'd be comfortable and glad. I have only lost my dog Muffy and have gone through a divorce which is similar but even more traumatic and also affects the children that you love so much. This is really my first taste of the finality of death. My husband Richard is a wonderful man and husband yet I always fear - simply because I've gone through one failed marriage that I thought would last forever. He's here, he loves me, and I love him. I've learned so much from him - big man, big heart. Prayer too always brings peace. So, thanks for listening and I'll spare all of you in the future.